According to this highly reliable website, tomorrow is Play God Day.
I shall be taking on the role in full responsibility and engaging in all the barbarically holy crimes I am obligated to. So as to be a secular God, I have carefully analyzed all the possible deeds I could accomplish in a day and concluded on the following which I hope will satisfy believers of all faiths.
"If I could be God for a day, I would..." (commanding thee to imagine an innocent childlike voice of such high pitch, that you will be eager to claw your eyeballs out), "commit a few genocides, a couple of sexist acts, some good ol’ confusing reincarnations in the form of my son and myself and not to forget, just some frightful yelling that makes cows and chickens swap personalities just so they can each be severely disappointed. Also, like the original one, I’ll be demanding the first borns of every living being on earth. I likes me some infant toenails."
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